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"thoughts in solitude" - thomas merton

MY LORD GOD,
I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never
do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils
alone.

Friday, June 11, 2010

infected... sinuses, that is.

it's official: i am the first of the bip's to visit a brazilian doctor! it was a rather interesting process to go through, and although i wish i hadn't needed to go to the doctor, i went and hopefully am getting everything under conrol...

i've been sick for about two weeks now with a sniffly nose, scratchy throat and headeaches, but no fever... i figured it was just a little cold so i went to the pharmacy and consulted a pharmacist and got some otc medication for it. as the days went by and my nose continued to get more and more stuffy and the headaches more intense, i knew something else was up... well, everyhing came to a head yesterday (thursday) after lunch at the creche...

we usually have an hour in between the morning and afternoon sessions with the kids for a small break to relax, run errands or, as i prefer, nap in the video room upstairs... so on thursday, like any other day, i got the key to the room and headed upstairs, set my alarm to wake me up and lay down on a gym mat... lying down was uncomfortable, my head started to throb immediately... i couldn't lay o my back because the back of my neck was tender, so i turned to my side... laying down on my left hurt my head even worse, so i turned to my right side and soon fell asleep... when my alarm went off i was startled to a sitting position and i immediately felt a sharp stabbing in my right ear, the ear i had been laying on during my nap... so i sat up and tried to stifle back tears as i tried to figure out what was going on... i walked downstairs with diego, who was also napping in the room, and i walked outside and sat on a grassy embankment near the entrance of the creche... i couldn't hear anything out of my right ear, coupled with the intense pain i was feeling, i was so frustrated... diego asked if i wanted any juice, but all i could think about was the pain... some kids came over to say hi and hug me and i guess noticed the tears in my eyes and me clutching my ear, and they took me to the office to get some cotton for my ear... by the time i had stood up and walked to the office, i was doubled over in pain... i got some motrin and tylenol from my bag (which i always carry with me) and took one of each, which my doctor in the u.s. advised me to do when i had an ear infection back in january... nicki, one of the directors, came over to see if i was alright and immediately knew something was wrong... she sat me down on the couch and tried to talk me through what i was feeling and what i needed... she and the NAC secretary called some of the free clinics in the favela to see if they would treat me, but since i'm not a citizen, they wouldn't... so, nicki told me to lay down and try to wait for the medicine to take effect and they'd take me home at 4:30 p.m. instead of sending me off on the bus as usual...

the next three hours were painful, every time i moved my head i felt a stab in my ear and pain rise from my toes to my head... eventually, the motrin and tylenol started working and i was able to lay my head down and close my eyes... i was counting down the seconds until i was able to go home... i felt so bad on top of the pain in my ear that i left my teaching partner, diego, by himself to work with the afternoon kids... we made necklaces and bracelets with some beads and yarn i brought with me and the kids loved it during the morning session... the NAC coordinators juggled some people around and moved nick to help diego, and the two leo's worke with another group of kids... the boys came in to check on me and inbetween fits of pain and crying in frustration, i was able to get ahold of myself and make it through the afternoon waiting to be taken home...

when i got home, i took more motrin and tylenol and waited for my host sister to come home... i asked if she could take me to a clinic or a minor emergency center, and after calling area clinics and getting consultation information, i decided to wait until the morning to see a doctor... i couldn't afford the after-hours fees the clinics were charging, in addition to prescriptions... my host sister, andrea, was kind enough to schedule an appointment for me this morning and take the morning off from work to accompany me there... an hour and a half later, i had seen the doctor (a big, burly man), been examined, diagnosed with a sinus infection and prescribed three separate medications to heal me all up.

i've spent the rest of today just alternating between taking medicine and sleeping, it's been an exciting day... tomorrow is valentine's day here in brazil and i had planned to go to a singles mixer organized by one of the iccp friends, but that has been cancelled for sure... it looks like i have a date with the couch and tv this weekend!

please keep me in your prayers, i hope that things start to clear up--and soon! back in january, i had a really bad infection that kept me from work for a whole week, and i don't want to miss work or be an inconvenience to anyone here... just pray that i get healthy soon!

love and miss you all... happy valentine's day!

~crystal

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