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"thoughts in solitude" - thomas merton

MY LORD GOD,
I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never
do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils
alone.

Monday, June 14, 2010

good things even amidst the not-so-good...

well, my last post was about this ridiculous ear infection that i have so i wanted to give you all an update... thanks be to God i am doing MUCH BETTER. the doctor prescribed three medicines last week, so i've been taking something every four hours... i am basically a walking pharmacy. good news is i can actually breathe through my nose (yeah!) and my ear has stopped hurting... i am on the mend!

also, i wanted to report that one of my fellow bip's here got hurt last friday while i was out of commission... just an fyi--brazilians drink out of these tiny pint-sized glasses and some of them are very thin and fragile... well, i guess nick grabbed his cup too far near the mouth of the glass and it broke into pieces while in his hand... it sliced open two of his fingers and he had to be taken to the hospital... so, he was the 2nd of us bip's to visit a brazilian hospital. yikes. good thing is that he's all stitched up, on medication to prevent any infection and he's also on the mend. keep him in your thoughts and prayers, not having the use of his hand has been frustrating in completing every tasks like opening a door or tying his shoes. pray for a speedy recovery!

i'm happy to report that the work at the creche has been going well! i was greeted this morning by welcoming hugs and kisses, the kids and staff were all concerned about my health since i did not come to the creche on friday... even though i still can't hear out of my right ear (yet), i was able to run around and play with the kids today during 'dia livre.' playing quemada never gets old! tomorrow, diego and i have planned to have a scavenger hunt with our group of kids in the morning, hopefully it turns out well... some days the kids have the attention span to complete complex games, and some days, all we can get out of them is a 10- or 15-minute activity before they mutiny... it's rather comical to watch, actually... :)

today i got to spend some time with one of the kiddos named john lennon. literally, his name is john lennon! it's pronounced with a brazilian accent so it doesn't sound very beatle-ish, and with his last name, i'm sure lennon just sounds like an ordinary middle name... anyway, while sorting colorful postcards today for an art project later on this week, i got to talking with john lennon about his plans for his life... he always asks me about myself, what i do, what my city is like, what i studied in college, so i thought i'd see if he would be willing to open up some about himself... he was all for it! :) i asked him what he wanted to be when he grows up and he said a construction engineer or an architect! pretty ambitious for a kid from the streets, no doubt... he went on saying that he enjoys math, and he's good at it, but hates science and has to work hard to do well in his science classes... he is the oldest of 4 children in his family and he is trying to set a good example for his younger siblings... such maturity from such a young guy! i asked him which university he wanted to go to, and he said there are many good ones to choose from in belo, but the best one is UFMG, the state university of minas gerais... he said he liked the campus, he had visited before with the directors of NAC... he and some of the older kids had gone on a field trip to the university to see what it's like... i was blown away! either sylvia or nicki, or both, had gone out of their way to expose some of these kids to the possibility of education, and it made such a lasting impression... it's not in their job description to do that, they went over and above what they were required to do and are one by one changing families here in the favelas of boa vista... and he talked about the NAC directors with such admiration, respect and appreciation for showing him and the others that they can go to college...

personally, i am passionate about education and know first-hand what an impact getting a college education can have on a family... my own family is an example of that. it was encouraging to know that even in belo horizonte, minas gerais, brazil there are people working to level the playing fields for less fortunate students and are working to ensure that all students who have the desire to go to college and who work hard know that they, too, can go.

i had a great day at the creche today, hands down. even if the earache isn't completely cured, i had no problem hearing my kiddo today... he's for sure a good egg.

finally, i wanted to share with you a verse that i was reflecting on yesterday after Mass...
luke 6:45 ''a good person out of the store of goodness in his heart produces good, but an evil person out of a store of evil produces evil; for from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks.''

man, talk about a swift kick in the rear. God has been doing that to me lately, just showing me areas of my life in which i'm complacent and i think i have things all figured out, and then--boom!--there He goes showing me something else i didn't know about myself. lol. at times i feel like i have it all figured out, i know what i'm doing with my life, i know where i'm headed and i know what i'm doing from here on out... i see the end goal and it's wonderful... but i forget that in between, from here to there, there is life to be lived, various situations, all kinds of circumstances, relationships to be made, etc.

and i got to thinking, what kind of catholic have i been since i got to brazil? back home in houston, i went to church every sunday, went to bible study, Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, young adults group and had an accountability partner. here in brazil, things are different and i'm grasping at straws trying to find some consistency among the daily changes... since i've been here, i've been to three different catholic churches to make it to Mass each week but i haven't been able to find a priest who can hear my confession in english and i haven't found a church with public Eucharistic Adoration (which is my favorite time of prayer)... and i have no young adult faith community (yet)...

still, even with all this uncertainty, God should be the constant in everything and i haven't done a very good job in making sure that He is the priority here for me. the passage that i was reflecting on was a good reminder for me that if i fill my heart with angst over what i'm doing at the creche this week, or have anxiety about my finances and future plans when i return to houston, or am worried about getting off at the wrong bus stop and ending up in a strange place, or other silly things like that, i'm not filling my heart with the right things. like Scripture. or prayer. or just reflecting in silence in God's presence. and my heart will be empty and i'll have nothing to draw from to put into action here... or once i get back home.

talk about a swift kick in the pants when you need one!

pray for me, everyone, that my time in brazil continues to be a time of discernment for me and that i am stedfast in keeping my eyes on Christ.

peace and love,
crystal

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