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"thoughts in solitude" - thomas merton

MY LORD GOD,
I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never
do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils
alone.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

greetings from corpus christi, texas!

i happened upon my own blog tonight and realized that it's been nearly 5 months since my last post... yikes! // in an effort to give yall the short of the long story, i'll try to cut out some of the unnecessary parts of the year since my last post. i'll try. // so just to re-cap, the last time i posted i was super-frustrated and angry with God since my job search had been unfruitful... i found myself all of a sudden without a job, without a place to live and my funds dwindling... // thankfully, friends who have become my family took me in (chateau rodriguez is worth whatever price you have to pay to stay there--i swear!!! and casa de loco is rapidly becoming THE hot, new place for young-adult castaways... really!) another friend put in a good word for me at a local bookstore and pretty soon i was employed part-time, enough to pay the bills with a little help from mom and dad. // in september, i was called for an interview for a job in education in corpus christi, texas. i drove to corpus on my day off from the bookstore, went to the interview in the morning, had lunch on a pier overlooking the gulf of mexico, spent some time in the water and then drove back to houston that same day. i knew i knocked the ball out of the park, so to speak, and that i'd be faced with the decision to accept the job in another city or hold out for a job in houston... // a couple of weeks later, the school in corpus christi called me and offered me the job... after some negotiations, i agreed to accept the position and make the move. the hr folks ended up having some delays getting my job approved and i was in limbo for weeks about whether or not my salary was approved and when my start date would be. // the hr rep said they'd call me to finalize details on a monday, and by friday i hadn't heard from them and called them to see what was up. this went on for two more weeks! in that amount of time, i recieved another call from a school in houston to interview for a position. i felt like i had a great rapport with two members on the panel of three and hoped to hear from them about the job. they checked my references the following day and offered me the job on the 2nd day after my interview! unfortunately, the job was an hourly staff position and while it had potential for advancement in the future, i couldn't be certain that i could live off of the hourly pay given my student loan payments that would start in december. // and so i chose to take the job in corpus christi. and this is where you find me now. // i have to be honest and say that i'm not sure if i made the right decision to move here. i left an amazing group of friends who have become my family, a wonderful young adult faith community at my parish and in the archdiocese, my childhood best friend and her growing family, and a boyfriend. // yes, a boyfriend. i met a wonderful guy at a speaker series event for young adults in the archdiocese. we met over an ice-breaker activity designed to get strangers acquainted with one another, and what do you know? it worked! we met that night and kept running into each other every monday after that at the series... on the last evening of the series, we were supposed to meet for dinner and drive to the event together, and we spent 6 hours talking and nearly shutting down the restaurant! didn't even make it to the event! // just a couple of weeks later he would accompany me on his days off from work on my interview adventure in corpus christi, arranging a place to stay, driving me to/from my interview, showing me around town and taking me to the beach. it was a magical day. it was also on this trip that we became "official." he asked me to be his girlfriend a week or so prior to our trip and i replied that i needed some time to think about it. (what a jerk thing to say, i know!) while on our way to corpus, i got pulled over by the texas state troopers for having a broken tail-light. the trooper asked me to explain where i was going, for what purpose and who was in the car with me. i said, "this is my, uh, boyfriend and we're going to corpus christi because i have a job interview tomorrow morning." and that was it... i blushed after the ordeal was over (only got a warning, thank God!) and we both laughed that it nearly took an act of congress to say that we were dating. when my mom talks about it, she says i had to be under oath and gun-drawn to get me to say it... haha // ironically, he happened to move to houston just a year ago from corpus christi, and just a couple of months after we met, i was moving from houston to corpus. arghhh, what timing! he's been so wonderful with my move, assuring me that i have to do what's best for me, my career and livelihood even if it means we have to date long-distance. he's a good man. // this is my 2nd weekend in corpus christi and i have to say that i'm a bit blue. i forgot what it's like being the new kid in town--everyone seems to have their own group of friends already or are settled down with kiddos, etc. aside from the student workers in my department, i'm the second youngest person there and the girl who's nearly my age just got married today! i've tried to branch out and meet some people in the catholic community here but it's been hit-or-miss... // the adjustment to working a professional job has been a little rough, too... i am under a lot of pressure at work in these first few weeks so by the time i get out of work i'm exhausted... there are some days when i've literally only said 10 words total (at most) because i have so much to read and process and not enough time to do it. so far, my job has been more solitary and less student-involved than i expected so i'm hoping that things change after i get these first few deadlines out of the way... // on the housing front, i am staying at my boyfriend's grandparents' house... no one has lived in the house for quite some time but the family has kept the house running in hopes to sell it at some point... in the meantime, they've been so gracious as to let me stay there until i get my first check and can afford to move out on my own. thank you God for their hospitality! // i guess i'll conclude this longer than expected post by asking for your prayers. i've been in a melancholy mood this whole week and have been feeling pretty down all weekend. the only bright spot so far has been a football game-watching party with my local alumni chapter! and the folks who came today were older than my parents, all the young-er people got to go to lubbock for the game. aaaaand we lost. :( // i'm trying hard not to throw in the towel and give God the time He needs to make things happen... i keep reminding myself that it took me a full year in houston before i made any friends besides my immediate family, i got involved in the running community, and then came home to the Church, and got involved in my parish and young adult ministry. // please just keep me in your prayers that i may be steadfast in my trust in God's plan for me here in corpus christi. // peace and blessings... you are all in my prayers!