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"thoughts in solitude" - thomas merton

MY LORD GOD,
I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never
do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils
alone.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

random update

i've been meaning to post for sometime but keep getting sidetracked every time... either by mental block or actual interruptions while posting... so, i'm going to try to get this one down superfast...

i'm kind of overwhelmed by all the decisions i've got to make in the next few months...

profession and vocation seem to keep running together, so i think i'm on the right track there... mission work seems to be in abundance so i'm going to explore a couple of options here in houston, elsewhere in the US and also abroad. so that's kind of daunting.

for the first time in a long time, i've begun getting to know someone in a personal, romantic-sort of way and i'm scared sh*tless. (um, pardon my french.) honestly, i just want to do whatever God asks of me and i'm trying to figure out where this new experience fits into His plan for me. i keep hearing His voice reassuring me, telling me that He wouldn't lead me down a path where i could get hurt again, but also asking me to give this guy a fair shot. let my guard down. open up my heart. let him in to get to know me. that's difficult to do when i've built up all of these impenetrable defenses to prevent that very thing... pray for me that i'm able to listen to God's voice instead of my own fears and insecurities...

i have an inextinguishable desire to travel... i'm trying to figure out how i can get back to brasil (ahhhh, brasil! que saudade!) and somehow work with the world youth day program... so... uh... anyone out there have any contacts for me to call and offer my labor, knowledge and language skills to in rio/sao paolo/belo??? :)

the living situation is still going okay, the retired couple comes to visit every couple of months but other than that it's just me in their big townhome in the museum district... wayyyy nicer place than i could ever fathom to live in... after may, who knows where i'll be...

the job is going well, too... yes, it's monotonous and the kids drive me bonkers sometimes, but, it's paying the bills so far and affords me the time i need to stay on top of my reading... school is getting tougher with projects and papers and exams, and the internship is coming along slowly but surely. i know i will reap the majority of the blessings of working with the team at adore... super-stoked about that. :)

pray for me as i pray for you...

pax et bonum,
crystal

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