living the nomad life.

let me start by saying that i'm aware that i am extremely blessed and so, so lucky to live the life that i live... and i know deep down that this is just a small storm i have to weather to see the sunshine again. i know to some people i will sound like a drama queen in this post... so be it. i hate asking for help, i hate relying on people for simple things that i should be able to do/provide for myself, and i hate feeling helpless and out-of-control. and i feel all these things right at this moment. these past few months have been a whirlwind... i set several goals for myself in various areas and while i achieved a few of them, utterly failed at most of them. i did manage (somehow) to finish my graduate program and earned my master's degree. so at least there's that... the proverbial silver lining, i guess. the short of the long story is that i've been dealing with car issues all semester and finally met my breaking point the week before finals. i'd literally spent my entire savings on fixing my suv and was still having problems with it, when i let my parents know what was going on and the stress i was under to complete my coursework along with dealing with the car issues... i was unexpectedly given some funds for graduation with which to buy a car or at least put a down payment on another car... after several shopping excursions to find a car, and after analyzing my budget and immediate prospects of graduating without a professional job, i found one i could pay cash for and all looked well... since buying it, all the visible repairs had been taken care of and now the mechanical, preventive work on it needs to be done... well, wouldn't you guess, i'm out of funds... again. i'm wondering if these "just in case" repairs are worth the gamble, because i can't afford to get stranded somewhere on the back roads of hwy 36 between lubbock and houston. it's almost 600 miles to get home and i'm worried about something happening on the road. :\ to top it off, once i get to houston, i will be sleeping on friends' couches until i find a place to live with a friend from church. we started our apartment search at the end of may/beginning of june with three girls looking for a place to live. now, we're almost at the end of june, there's only two of us left and we can't find time to make appointments to view properties. grrr. so... i'm out of funds, i still don't have a dependable car and i am literally homeless. i know God has a greater plan with me and this whole car/money/housing situation this year, but i can't see it. if there was a word for "beyond-frustrated" then i would be it. my despair turned into frustration, and now i'm on the verge of my frustration turning into anger. i want to ask for your prayers... for patience, for understanding, for provision and for faith. i imagine that i'm feeling what job must have felt during his trials. no bueno. ~c