wow, can't believe it's been 2 months since i've posted on here! crazines... first of all, my apologies for the lack of posts... so much has gone on since i got back from brasil and i haven't had sufficient time to update like i want... i'll make a better effort to do so in the future. :)
i am completely mind-blown right now! i am just coming off of a retreat that i went on with our 2nd year confirmation students at my church... a local missionary, ennie hickman, commented a few weeks ago that speaking to high school sophomores (ages 15/16) is the most hostile missionary field he's experienced... and man, after this weekend, i couldn't agree more!
it's been a while since i volunteered with church youth programs & activities and this year i decided to volunteer as a catechist because our church was in dire need... well, thankfully, God has been working in my life in ways unseen because this weekend i was blessed with grace and patience and wisdom to speak on tough issues that i wouldn't have been able to answer on my own. can i get an amen?! we took 63 sophomores on retreat and i can honestly say that most of them were there in mind, body and spirit, (after a little prodding to be themselves and let the pretention go) while there were only a handful that were there because mom & dad wanted them to be there and were just completely against the concept of the weekend. so it was a good discovery.
i was also charged with the task to speak on being a catholic christian in today's society--my struggles with living out my faith and what i've learned on my journey. i think i'll post my speaker notes in the next few days with pictures so you all can see how God can even take someone like me and use me to His glory.
it's been a long time coming but i am SO thankful to be here, in this moment, doing what i'm doing, thinking what i'm thinking, learning what i'm learning, feeling what i'm feeling. there were times in the past that it was all about me, me, me and i'd my life was a shambles. i'm learning that there is no shame in having a "past" if you can use the experiences to bring others hope in Jesus Christ. this weekend, my story spoke truth into the hearts of some of the teens, and i couldn't be more thankful for everything God has done in my life.
it was a very, very touching retreat and i was so inspired to see the young Church getting fired up about Jesus. it was very cool...
well, that's all i have time for today... i will post an update on life, school, work, etc., soon... until then, take a listen to this song by third day featuring brandon heath--it's a tribute to rich mullins' "creed." it totally made my day! :)
Monday, November 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
oh, how i miss brasil!
hi everyone!
it's been exactly a month since i've been back in the states and it's been exactly a month since i've missed being in brasil...
i've been meaning to post an update for a few weeks now but things just haven't felt quite right... so, i guess now on the eve of my 30th birthday (yikes!) it's finally time for the update... things have settled down some--at least enough for me to write what comes to mind...
well, let me start by saying that my heart aches to be in brasil again! coming back to the states isn't easy after experiencing such an amazing gift of time, family and experience as i did in brasil... i miss everything about it. period. i miss my wonderful families, my amazing host sisters, the kids and staff at the creche, the sights, smells and sounds of bh, those crazy steep hills, the dry heat, taking the bus, cheap street-vendor food, amazing home-cooked meals, the beautiful brasilian Church... i miss it all. it comforts me to know that it won't be my last time to be in brasil, i'm just counting down the days until i can go back and be brasilian me again...
speaking of which, i had originally intended to come 'home' right after christmas through the first part of january... as it stands right now, i haven't been able to find a job yet so my travel plans are on hold until my finances are more secure... if i'm not able to financially travel back in december, i'll set my sights on carnaval or the summer... i hope that i can find some kind of job--anything at this point--to get me working again, earning money and that much closer to brasil!
literally the day after us BIPs got back from brasil i started graduate school at the university of st. thomas... it has been such an amazing experience already and i'm only a month into my master's program... but it is literally the most exciting thing i've ever done (aside from actually being IN brasil!) and i know it's exactly where God wants me to be... i know it has been hard for some of my family and friends to get behind me and support me in this part of my faith journey, and there's not much i can say to calm their fears and questions... all i can say is that all the struggles, trials, triumphs and successes in my life have brought me to this point, and i know in my heart i'm supposed to be here. please consider saying a prayer for my family and friends, who in their loving concern, want answers about why i quit my job to volunteer in a foreign country and then start going to school again. help them find the peace i've found in my journey.
i find it hilarious that my portuguese still comes out of my mouth and flows in my head so naturally... i tell people that i'm tri-lingual; i am a native speaker in english, i am somewhat skilled in speaking portuguese but i'm still learning spanish! whenever i try to speak spanish it always comes out in portuguese... i think it's a sign! ha! :)
i also wanted to tell you all that my experiences in brasil helped me work through a lot of things in my life that were holding me back... it's hard to explain unless you've experienced what i've experienced, but i've spent most of my adult life doubting myself, doubting my abilities and doubting my purpose in life. being in brasil and learning to depend on myself was the swift kick in the pants that i needed to learn to believe in myself again... many times throughout the summer i'd go off on a little adventure, just trying to get lost in the city somewhere on my own to be with my thoughts, talk with God, pray and write in my journal... there were a few times when i was lost, disoriented, or uncomfortable with the surroundings i had walked into but in hindsight i realize that it only took me a few minutes to focus, concentrate and make a plan of action and get myself going again... i wasn't expecting that, but i did it. i've never been so proud of myself as i was when i realized one day that i was actually taking shortcuts through downtown belo to get from one bus stop to another on my way to a friend's house or to get to the acm... i was even more surprised with myself when i managed to make my way from a small town airport in viracopas an hour and half away all the way to downtown sao paolo, point-zero, center of the city to meet my missionary host... i didn't know i could do that, but i did it. i also guided myself and two of my fellow BIPs around rio de janeiro, through neighborhoods, tourist attractions and the amazing beaches. somewhere along the way i learned to trust myself again. what an amazing revelation!
while i was in brasil i also confessed to a priest for the first time in portuguese and it was such an amazing and emotional experience... in brasil, i learned not only to trust myself but i learned how to forgive myself... what a freeing thing to experience--but really and truly experience!!!--God's mercy and forgiveness in my heart... i wish i could write it all down and tell you exactly what it means to me but words can't even begin to describe it... what i can say is that some burdens i've been carrying around for years are finally gone from my shoulders and i don't have to carry them around anymore...
i'd say the most groundbreaking thing that i experienced was charity. just geniune, honest love for one's neighbor... i am in awe that these strangers (at the time) would take me in, welcome me into their home and make me a part of their family... i got to experience the best things in life three times over! what a feeling to me, to be loved unconditionally by three amazing families... it helped me to realize a lot about my own family back here in texas... and how to better love them.
i think the most powerful thing i learned while i was there was that i, too, am worthy and deserving of love in my life... i know to other people it's kind of a given, that you might be this awesome person and someday you will meet another awesome person to spend the rest of your life with... well, when i left texas i didn't know that. i couldn't honestly say that i deserved to meet and be with someone amazing... i knew i had lots of qualities that someone might like, but they definitely couldn't love someone like me... well... something changed me intrinsically, it was grace, i just know it... but what hurt before, what was broken before, what was unsure of before, what was incomplete before, what was lonely before--all of it is gone. i am not in a rush to find or meet someone, but i know that whenever it happens, it's gonna be awesome. i just know it.
and for once in my life, i am ready to be in a relationship with a man who deserves an amazing person like me.
what an amazing gift brasil was to me.
thank you for sharing in my journey over these past few months and please continue to read along on my blog as the rest of my life experiences unfold... in His time.
tchau,
crystal
it's been exactly a month since i've been back in the states and it's been exactly a month since i've missed being in brasil...
i've been meaning to post an update for a few weeks now but things just haven't felt quite right... so, i guess now on the eve of my 30th birthday (yikes!) it's finally time for the update... things have settled down some--at least enough for me to write what comes to mind...
well, let me start by saying that my heart aches to be in brasil again! coming back to the states isn't easy after experiencing such an amazing gift of time, family and experience as i did in brasil... i miss everything about it. period. i miss my wonderful families, my amazing host sisters, the kids and staff at the creche, the sights, smells and sounds of bh, those crazy steep hills, the dry heat, taking the bus, cheap street-vendor food, amazing home-cooked meals, the beautiful brasilian Church... i miss it all. it comforts me to know that it won't be my last time to be in brasil, i'm just counting down the days until i can go back and be brasilian me again...
speaking of which, i had originally intended to come 'home' right after christmas through the first part of january... as it stands right now, i haven't been able to find a job yet so my travel plans are on hold until my finances are more secure... if i'm not able to financially travel back in december, i'll set my sights on carnaval or the summer... i hope that i can find some kind of job--anything at this point--to get me working again, earning money and that much closer to brasil!
literally the day after us BIPs got back from brasil i started graduate school at the university of st. thomas... it has been such an amazing experience already and i'm only a month into my master's program... but it is literally the most exciting thing i've ever done (aside from actually being IN brasil!) and i know it's exactly where God wants me to be... i know it has been hard for some of my family and friends to get behind me and support me in this part of my faith journey, and there's not much i can say to calm their fears and questions... all i can say is that all the struggles, trials, triumphs and successes in my life have brought me to this point, and i know in my heart i'm supposed to be here. please consider saying a prayer for my family and friends, who in their loving concern, want answers about why i quit my job to volunteer in a foreign country and then start going to school again. help them find the peace i've found in my journey.
i find it hilarious that my portuguese still comes out of my mouth and flows in my head so naturally... i tell people that i'm tri-lingual; i am a native speaker in english, i am somewhat skilled in speaking portuguese but i'm still learning spanish! whenever i try to speak spanish it always comes out in portuguese... i think it's a sign! ha! :)
i also wanted to tell you all that my experiences in brasil helped me work through a lot of things in my life that were holding me back... it's hard to explain unless you've experienced what i've experienced, but i've spent most of my adult life doubting myself, doubting my abilities and doubting my purpose in life. being in brasil and learning to depend on myself was the swift kick in the pants that i needed to learn to believe in myself again... many times throughout the summer i'd go off on a little adventure, just trying to get lost in the city somewhere on my own to be with my thoughts, talk with God, pray and write in my journal... there were a few times when i was lost, disoriented, or uncomfortable with the surroundings i had walked into but in hindsight i realize that it only took me a few minutes to focus, concentrate and make a plan of action and get myself going again... i wasn't expecting that, but i did it. i've never been so proud of myself as i was when i realized one day that i was actually taking shortcuts through downtown belo to get from one bus stop to another on my way to a friend's house or to get to the acm... i was even more surprised with myself when i managed to make my way from a small town airport in viracopas an hour and half away all the way to downtown sao paolo, point-zero, center of the city to meet my missionary host... i didn't know i could do that, but i did it. i also guided myself and two of my fellow BIPs around rio de janeiro, through neighborhoods, tourist attractions and the amazing beaches. somewhere along the way i learned to trust myself again. what an amazing revelation!
while i was in brasil i also confessed to a priest for the first time in portuguese and it was such an amazing and emotional experience... in brasil, i learned not only to trust myself but i learned how to forgive myself... what a freeing thing to experience--but really and truly experience!!!--God's mercy and forgiveness in my heart... i wish i could write it all down and tell you exactly what it means to me but words can't even begin to describe it... what i can say is that some burdens i've been carrying around for years are finally gone from my shoulders and i don't have to carry them around anymore...
i'd say the most groundbreaking thing that i experienced was charity. just geniune, honest love for one's neighbor... i am in awe that these strangers (at the time) would take me in, welcome me into their home and make me a part of their family... i got to experience the best things in life three times over! what a feeling to me, to be loved unconditionally by three amazing families... it helped me to realize a lot about my own family back here in texas... and how to better love them.
i think the most powerful thing i learned while i was there was that i, too, am worthy and deserving of love in my life... i know to other people it's kind of a given, that you might be this awesome person and someday you will meet another awesome person to spend the rest of your life with... well, when i left texas i didn't know that. i couldn't honestly say that i deserved to meet and be with someone amazing... i knew i had lots of qualities that someone might like, but they definitely couldn't love someone like me... well... something changed me intrinsically, it was grace, i just know it... but what hurt before, what was broken before, what was unsure of before, what was incomplete before, what was lonely before--all of it is gone. i am not in a rush to find or meet someone, but i know that whenever it happens, it's gonna be awesome. i just know it.
and for once in my life, i am ready to be in a relationship with a man who deserves an amazing person like me.
what an amazing gift brasil was to me.
thank you for sharing in my journey over these past few months and please continue to read along on my blog as the rest of my life experiences unfold... in His time.
tchau,
crystal
Monday, August 16, 2010
tchau, brasil! te amo!
so, tonight is my last night here in belo horizonte... sad face.
amongst the visiting friends and family, running last minute errands and packing (and re-packing), i´ve been reflecting over two lists that i wrote during BIP training back in april before i came to belo...
during training, patty (LOVE her!) asked us to write down some things on one list that we hoped to do or accomplish during our time in brasil and on another list to write down some areas we hoped to grow or mature in... i found my lists last night while packing and started going over my lists, crossing things off... remarkably, i accomplished almost all of my personal goals! :)
being here in brasil has been challenging at times being ´out of my element´, but it has also been the most natural experience for me, too... this summer was the time i needed on my own (in some respects) to explore, learn, discover, and grow...
i thought i knew my strengths and weaknesses before i came here but brasil has made me transform into a different person, with different strengths and different weaknesses... my three months here were an opportunity to see my life from the inside out and the outside in, at the same time... it was rather peculiar at times, existential almost, being an outsider in your own life, but from another vantage point i learned that happiness is truly relative...
how can i ever complain about things in my life when i actually know people in this world who have a much more difficult situation? i just can´t anymore.
it would have been so easy to have seen this experience as 12 weeks in paradise (which it so easily could have been), but i wanted to get as much out of these 12 weeks as i could... and i believe i did. thank God. :)
leo and i went to the creche today to say goodbye to the NAC staff and the kids before we leave tomorrow... the younger kids in the morning session were just precious and did not comprehend (or didn´t want to acknowledge) that we were leaving tomorrow... they just kept saying, ´´see you tomorrow!´´ broke my heart all over again... things weren´t much better in the afternoon as all of the teenage kids were elated that we came back one more time and wanted to show us things, talk with us, hug us just one more time...
perhaps, just maybe, i did something kind one day or said something supportive when someone needed it, and it influenced these kids in a positive way... hopefully they already know or will realize later that they are honestly and truly loved for who they were and are to me... those smiling, loving kids with hopes and dreams as high as skyscrapers embody what brasil is to me.
before leo and i left the creche, sylvia took us upstairs to see the floor-mats they were able to purchase with the money my friends and family donated... half of their order had been delivered and assembled like puzzle pieces in their dance studio... the mats were red and blue and about 3´´ thick, perfect the instructor leo to begin karate and taekwondo lessons... sylvia said they have already had one karate class last week and the kids loved it! thank you, thank you, thank you again for your monetary donations to this very deserving place!
as we said our 1,289th ´goodbye´ and hugged the kids and staff, someone started to cry... and whaddya know, it wasn´t me this time?! lol i heard sniffling, then i turned to my left and my group of teenage girls were all crying and saying, ´don´t go!´, then we hugged and i started crying, then i looked to my right and the tough teenage boys were crying with leo pleading for him not to go! pretty soon everyone was bawling and hugging, hugging and bawling!!! we finally managed to get everyone to calm down and assured them we´d come back to visit them again, we all had a big group hug with the kids and the staff and then we were finally on our way...
there were smiles and laughter and hugs and TONS of tears... that´s how i know it was a summer well-spent.
friends and family, what a beautiful summer it has been. thank you for coming along on this personal journey with me! i am going to ask for your continued prayers as i start my graduate program this week at the university of st. thomas, i go in for advising and registration on thursday and have graduate orientation on friday and saturday, then school starts monday!!! sooo excited!
i am praying for you as always, please pray for safe travels for me and my fellow BIPs... we are all sad to leave our brasilian families and friends and yet anxious to see our friends and family back home in texas! i´ll have an update on our adventure back to the states as soon as i am in front of a computer...
til then, tchau!
~crystal
amongst the visiting friends and family, running last minute errands and packing (and re-packing), i´ve been reflecting over two lists that i wrote during BIP training back in april before i came to belo...
during training, patty (LOVE her!) asked us to write down some things on one list that we hoped to do or accomplish during our time in brasil and on another list to write down some areas we hoped to grow or mature in... i found my lists last night while packing and started going over my lists, crossing things off... remarkably, i accomplished almost all of my personal goals! :)
being here in brasil has been challenging at times being ´out of my element´, but it has also been the most natural experience for me, too... this summer was the time i needed on my own (in some respects) to explore, learn, discover, and grow...
i thought i knew my strengths and weaknesses before i came here but brasil has made me transform into a different person, with different strengths and different weaknesses... my three months here were an opportunity to see my life from the inside out and the outside in, at the same time... it was rather peculiar at times, existential almost, being an outsider in your own life, but from another vantage point i learned that happiness is truly relative...
how can i ever complain about things in my life when i actually know people in this world who have a much more difficult situation? i just can´t anymore.
it would have been so easy to have seen this experience as 12 weeks in paradise (which it so easily could have been), but i wanted to get as much out of these 12 weeks as i could... and i believe i did. thank God. :)
leo and i went to the creche today to say goodbye to the NAC staff and the kids before we leave tomorrow... the younger kids in the morning session were just precious and did not comprehend (or didn´t want to acknowledge) that we were leaving tomorrow... they just kept saying, ´´see you tomorrow!´´ broke my heart all over again... things weren´t much better in the afternoon as all of the teenage kids were elated that we came back one more time and wanted to show us things, talk with us, hug us just one more time...
perhaps, just maybe, i did something kind one day or said something supportive when someone needed it, and it influenced these kids in a positive way... hopefully they already know or will realize later that they are honestly and truly loved for who they were and are to me... those smiling, loving kids with hopes and dreams as high as skyscrapers embody what brasil is to me.
before leo and i left the creche, sylvia took us upstairs to see the floor-mats they were able to purchase with the money my friends and family donated... half of their order had been delivered and assembled like puzzle pieces in their dance studio... the mats were red and blue and about 3´´ thick, perfect the instructor leo to begin karate and taekwondo lessons... sylvia said they have already had one karate class last week and the kids loved it! thank you, thank you, thank you again for your monetary donations to this very deserving place!
as we said our 1,289th ´goodbye´ and hugged the kids and staff, someone started to cry... and whaddya know, it wasn´t me this time?! lol i heard sniffling, then i turned to my left and my group of teenage girls were all crying and saying, ´don´t go!´, then we hugged and i started crying, then i looked to my right and the tough teenage boys were crying with leo pleading for him not to go! pretty soon everyone was bawling and hugging, hugging and bawling!!! we finally managed to get everyone to calm down and assured them we´d come back to visit them again, we all had a big group hug with the kids and the staff and then we were finally on our way...
there were smiles and laughter and hugs and TONS of tears... that´s how i know it was a summer well-spent.
friends and family, what a beautiful summer it has been. thank you for coming along on this personal journey with me! i am going to ask for your continued prayers as i start my graduate program this week at the university of st. thomas, i go in for advising and registration on thursday and have graduate orientation on friday and saturday, then school starts monday!!! sooo excited!
i am praying for you as always, please pray for safe travels for me and my fellow BIPs... we are all sad to leave our brasilian families and friends and yet anxious to see our friends and family back home in texas! i´ll have an update on our adventure back to the states as soon as i am in front of a computer...
til then, tchau!
~crystal
Monday, August 9, 2010
rio, i think i love you...
okay, so rio has been my therapy...
i came here with nothing to do except do things I want to do... it has been great. hanging with my fellow BIPs (NICK, we miss you!!!) and exploring the city... we arrived this afternoon, found our bus from the airport and checked in at our hostel... i LOVE IT. i wish i could travel all the time...
this afternoon i thought about how wonderful it would be if i could budget to travel every summer, like my friend adrienne... she is a school-teacher and has some time during the summer to spend with friends... i have always wondered how she does it, but now i KNOW it is POSSIBLE!!! lol
also, i found out that i am quite efficient when it comes to directions like north, east, south, west.. after landing at santos dumont, i was able to orient myself (without a map) and find the right street and the right bus that took us to our hotel in lapa... we walked around a bit until i asked someone for directions to our street and we found our hostel immediately... i am SO proud of myself...
perhaps i am meant to travel and experience other cultures??? things certainly don`t seem to be pointing towards a relationship or marriage, so maybe i found my passion in life? jk jk
as of right now i am about 8 days away from returning to the states and i honestly couldn`t be more sad... i don`t know that i know who i am anymore and will certainly be searching for a while... but i am looking forward to starting my master`s in a few days and getting back to a regular routine of school and work... which, by the way, if you know of a job opening in houston, texas, let me know! i am currently searching for housing, a job and a car all at the same time and it`s a bit worrisome... i`m leaving it all in His hands, so i know things will turn out ok... but just pray for me, okay? thanks...
i just wanted to say a quick thanks to all my family and friends out there who have supported me both financially and with prayers over these last few months... the reality of everything kind of hit me the other day and i can`t believe i have such amazing people around me helping me through everything... you are what gets me through the rough days and reminds me that God is always by my side... i love you for that, no words can exactly describe...
you`ve made a new person out of me by supporting this experience... i love love love you.
i can`t believe how quickly time has passed, either... i am counting down the days when i can get back to BH... i can`t believe i have to go. sad face. :[
prayers, please, as i am on official vacation in rio... hoping to see the cristo redentor monument, the pao de azucar and ipanema beach... ohhh to have a situation-less vacation would be nice!
can`t wait to see you all... hope you`re having as great a summer as i am! love, love, LOVE brasil. <3
um abraco,
crystal
i came here with nothing to do except do things I want to do... it has been great. hanging with my fellow BIPs (NICK, we miss you!!!) and exploring the city... we arrived this afternoon, found our bus from the airport and checked in at our hostel... i LOVE IT. i wish i could travel all the time...
this afternoon i thought about how wonderful it would be if i could budget to travel every summer, like my friend adrienne... she is a school-teacher and has some time during the summer to spend with friends... i have always wondered how she does it, but now i KNOW it is POSSIBLE!!! lol
also, i found out that i am quite efficient when it comes to directions like north, east, south, west.. after landing at santos dumont, i was able to orient myself (without a map) and find the right street and the right bus that took us to our hotel in lapa... we walked around a bit until i asked someone for directions to our street and we found our hostel immediately... i am SO proud of myself...
perhaps i am meant to travel and experience other cultures??? things certainly don`t seem to be pointing towards a relationship or marriage, so maybe i found my passion in life? jk jk
as of right now i am about 8 days away from returning to the states and i honestly couldn`t be more sad... i don`t know that i know who i am anymore and will certainly be searching for a while... but i am looking forward to starting my master`s in a few days and getting back to a regular routine of school and work... which, by the way, if you know of a job opening in houston, texas, let me know! i am currently searching for housing, a job and a car all at the same time and it`s a bit worrisome... i`m leaving it all in His hands, so i know things will turn out ok... but just pray for me, okay? thanks...
i just wanted to say a quick thanks to all my family and friends out there who have supported me both financially and with prayers over these last few months... the reality of everything kind of hit me the other day and i can`t believe i have such amazing people around me helping me through everything... you are what gets me through the rough days and reminds me that God is always by my side... i love you for that, no words can exactly describe...
you`ve made a new person out of me by supporting this experience... i love love love you.
i can`t believe how quickly time has passed, either... i am counting down the days when i can get back to BH... i can`t believe i have to go. sad face. :[
prayers, please, as i am on official vacation in rio... hoping to see the cristo redentor monument, the pao de azucar and ipanema beach... ohhh to have a situation-less vacation would be nice!
can`t wait to see you all... hope you`re having as great a summer as i am! love, love, LOVE brasil. <3
um abraco,
crystal
Saturday, July 31, 2010
lessons...
this will be a short post, friends, a reflection actually about my past few days here in são pãolo...
thursday and friday were spent with sister mercy, a 35-year-old nun from tanzania... she cracked me up with her demeanor and wild style in clothing... she was very informative, though, with information about being a maryknoll sister and about life as a missionary... she's been here in brazil for 6 years and spent the last couple of years discerning before she made her life vows... she shared about the tough decision she faced, either committing her life or not committing her life, with only the support of her parents... none of her family supported her decision to become a sister! her story was very heavy but very real to hear... made me appreciate what she went through to become a missionary... she also told me a little about the struggles foriegners have trying to make connections in communities to start their missions or help flailing ministries shift focus and come to life... good information to hear, the good and the bad.
we also talked about finances and she told me about her monthly expenses and what she normally lives on (very modest and meager means, to be sure) and i thought it would be a nice treat to take her out to a museum and then to eat at a restaurant... she was a great sport as we found the museum pretty easily but had to search for the restaurant... we saw an ad for a real, live tex-mex joint in bairro pinhieros, so we had to try it! and it was sooo good! :O)
this morning, saturday, we woke up early and mercy insisted on guiding me through the metro and back to heidi's apartment... heidi had arranged to take me to the womens prison's monthly Mass with her to talk with the inmates and see what her work is like as an advocate... i am still at a loss for words at what i saw, heard and experienced, but what i do know is that we all take way too much for granted in our fast-paced lives...
the security process for visitors in and of itself was a bit intimidating, i could totally understand someone not wanting to go through that process every week to visit their incarcerated loved one... as such, many of the women wait in vain every week for visitors who never come... it was depressing seeing the hope in their eyes for their spouses, children and other family members as they talked about getting ready for their potential visitors on sunday...
i also learned that although the country provides public attorneys, the women don't have the right to speak with the attorney until a court date has been set for their case... some of the women spend weeks and months--and in a few cases YEARS--just wondering what the status of their case is... for example, one woman was arrested for robbery back in february and has been waiting to hear when she will be in front of a judge to plead her case and she was told it should happen by march, but march was four months ago! she is still waiting to speak to a judge with no end in sight for her waiting game... it's maddening... so, heidi showed me a file full of case upon cases that she looks up every week to see if they've had any updates for court dates... the women spend so much time in angst just wanting to know what their status is. it's ridiculous...
later on we went to Mass with the inmates that showed up... there are over 5,000 inmates there and the guards literally yell through a gate that Mass will be in 5 minutes" or so, and the inmates come and are escorted to an old church-like room... there are shadows where the shape of a cross was etched into the paint by the sun, the old wooden pews creak and tremble as the people slide into them and the makeshift alter is fashioned out of a table... a group of music ministers and a few eucharistic ministers came, along with the priest, to celebrate Mass with the inmates... one of the inmates offered to read one of the readings, and you could tell that even in her prison uniform, she was trying to look her best... she had tied her hair back and put on some lipstick, and stood up in her white tshirt and orange scrub pants and flip-flops and proclaimed the Good News. it was very touching to see... after sharing the Eucharist, we sang some songs with the inmates and many of them cried, sang and swayed with the music... one lady, who i noticed participated as much as possible and listened intently to the readings and the priest's homily, was sobbing as we were hugging everyone goodbye and praying with them before we left... i hugged her and asked her why she was crying, and she said, "i cry because i wait for this day every month when we can have Mass. every day i pray and thank you wonderful people for remembering us and bringing Mass to us. and every sunday i read my bible and pray, because i know that Mass is going on outside of here and i wish i could go." i was in tears as she shared her story and wanted to sit and visit with her some more, but the guards told the inmates it was time to go, so we hugged and i promised to pray for her... couldn't help but let the tears come after that.
i just wondered how many times have i been inconvenienced with going to Mass, saying, "oh, i can't make it because i have to go to church." but really, i should want to go to church, especially knowing that there's people in prisons who would love to go to Mass every week, or even every day, but they can't. man, life smacked me right in the face today...
after Mass, we went back and visited with another group of women in another pod, and i heard more stories upon stories about the women's families, their trials and sentences, waiting and waiting for information or for their time inside to be up... instantly i was thankful for all the fortune i've had in my life that has kept me from making really bad decisions that could have cost me my freedom...
i'm still processing all the things i'm doing, seeing, witnessing, hearing, saying, thinking, feeling here in brasil... but this experience has definitely been one that i can't forget.
i would have never thought about visiting a prison in the u.s., but now, seeing what inmates here go through in person, how can i not visit them when i get back?
i had never thought about helping out our local food banks beyond donating a few cans of food every now and then, but now after visiting my kids' families in the favelas, how can i not do more when i get back?
there's so much work to be done... will you help in some way?
thursday and friday were spent with sister mercy, a 35-year-old nun from tanzania... she cracked me up with her demeanor and wild style in clothing... she was very informative, though, with information about being a maryknoll sister and about life as a missionary... she's been here in brazil for 6 years and spent the last couple of years discerning before she made her life vows... she shared about the tough decision she faced, either committing her life or not committing her life, with only the support of her parents... none of her family supported her decision to become a sister! her story was very heavy but very real to hear... made me appreciate what she went through to become a missionary... she also told me a little about the struggles foriegners have trying to make connections in communities to start their missions or help flailing ministries shift focus and come to life... good information to hear, the good and the bad.
we also talked about finances and she told me about her monthly expenses and what she normally lives on (very modest and meager means, to be sure) and i thought it would be a nice treat to take her out to a museum and then to eat at a restaurant... she was a great sport as we found the museum pretty easily but had to search for the restaurant... we saw an ad for a real, live tex-mex joint in bairro pinhieros, so we had to try it! and it was sooo good! :O)
this morning, saturday, we woke up early and mercy insisted on guiding me through the metro and back to heidi's apartment... heidi had arranged to take me to the womens prison's monthly Mass with her to talk with the inmates and see what her work is like as an advocate... i am still at a loss for words at what i saw, heard and experienced, but what i do know is that we all take way too much for granted in our fast-paced lives...
the security process for visitors in and of itself was a bit intimidating, i could totally understand someone not wanting to go through that process every week to visit their incarcerated loved one... as such, many of the women wait in vain every week for visitors who never come... it was depressing seeing the hope in their eyes for their spouses, children and other family members as they talked about getting ready for their potential visitors on sunday...
i also learned that although the country provides public attorneys, the women don't have the right to speak with the attorney until a court date has been set for their case... some of the women spend weeks and months--and in a few cases YEARS--just wondering what the status of their case is... for example, one woman was arrested for robbery back in february and has been waiting to hear when she will be in front of a judge to plead her case and she was told it should happen by march, but march was four months ago! she is still waiting to speak to a judge with no end in sight for her waiting game... it's maddening... so, heidi showed me a file full of case upon cases that she looks up every week to see if they've had any updates for court dates... the women spend so much time in angst just wanting to know what their status is. it's ridiculous...
later on we went to Mass with the inmates that showed up... there are over 5,000 inmates there and the guards literally yell through a gate that Mass will be in 5 minutes" or so, and the inmates come and are escorted to an old church-like room... there are shadows where the shape of a cross was etched into the paint by the sun, the old wooden pews creak and tremble as the people slide into them and the makeshift alter is fashioned out of a table... a group of music ministers and a few eucharistic ministers came, along with the priest, to celebrate Mass with the inmates... one of the inmates offered to read one of the readings, and you could tell that even in her prison uniform, she was trying to look her best... she had tied her hair back and put on some lipstick, and stood up in her white tshirt and orange scrub pants and flip-flops and proclaimed the Good News. it was very touching to see... after sharing the Eucharist, we sang some songs with the inmates and many of them cried, sang and swayed with the music... one lady, who i noticed participated as much as possible and listened intently to the readings and the priest's homily, was sobbing as we were hugging everyone goodbye and praying with them before we left... i hugged her and asked her why she was crying, and she said, "i cry because i wait for this day every month when we can have Mass. every day i pray and thank you wonderful people for remembering us and bringing Mass to us. and every sunday i read my bible and pray, because i know that Mass is going on outside of here and i wish i could go." i was in tears as she shared her story and wanted to sit and visit with her some more, but the guards told the inmates it was time to go, so we hugged and i promised to pray for her... couldn't help but let the tears come after that.
i just wondered how many times have i been inconvenienced with going to Mass, saying, "oh, i can't make it because i have to go to church." but really, i should want to go to church, especially knowing that there's people in prisons who would love to go to Mass every week, or even every day, but they can't. man, life smacked me right in the face today...
after Mass, we went back and visited with another group of women in another pod, and i heard more stories upon stories about the women's families, their trials and sentences, waiting and waiting for information or for their time inside to be up... instantly i was thankful for all the fortune i've had in my life that has kept me from making really bad decisions that could have cost me my freedom...
i'm still processing all the things i'm doing, seeing, witnessing, hearing, saying, thinking, feeling here in brasil... but this experience has definitely been one that i can't forget.
i would have never thought about visiting a prison in the u.s., but now, seeing what inmates here go through in person, how can i not visit them when i get back?
i had never thought about helping out our local food banks beyond donating a few cans of food every now and then, but now after visiting my kids' families in the favelas, how can i not do more when i get back?
there's so much work to be done... will you help in some way?
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